THE HONORARY TTILE

So its 2:00 in the morning on a friday, I just got home. Today or well Thursday, I woke up, feeling like crap both mentally and literaly..so to speak. I created this blogspot and went on with my day....waiting for it to end, waiting for Jason to come home, waiting to see if I would feel better...just waiting, waiting for everything - waiting for nothing.

The last few weeks I have been working on a project for my best friend. She lives in Germany and is need for some american music. So I have been getting some songs together. A came across the band...The Honorary Title and their song Stay Away. Today, Jarrod (the lead singer) spoke to me through his video on Youtube and literally changed the course of my day..in a split second. I watched the video and felt something, inside, like some how this song, this person, understood me. All I want is for someone to "get it". I went to the band website, looked up tour dates and SURPRISE, they were playing in Portland tonight. Instantly, I decided to go see this band, hoping I would get a spark, a connection - something. Within 30 mintutes of really ever hearing this band I was in my car with my sister and sis in law, going off to some club in Portland.
Out of the blue...just like that. I never do things like, just doing some crazy action like that - not me (sensible Michelle) or the person that I thought I was. But then again, these days I do not who I am from one day to the next.
There were 4 bands playing, The Honorary Title was last, so of course I went to the bar. I was standing there sipping my lemon drop when Jarrod walked past me. I was so compelled to speak to this man. I followed outside and asked him if he was the lead singer of the band...just to get a conversation with him going. I told him my story about how I have been in this dark place and his song spoke to me and triggered this need to go see his band and meet him, even though I had never really heard his music before. He smiled, I am sure he heard that one before, but for me, a person who never does the unexpected; it really was the truth. We chatted a bit, he signed my cd and I asked him to please sing that song. He smiled and said he would but the band would play too (he was refering to the video I talked to him about)
Once his band came on, I felt this energy spark through my vines. It was like a happy euphoric feeling, better then anything I have felt in the past year - in a personal physical sense. I felt alive, awake and free. Free of the worry, the gulilt, the stress, the saddness and the unknown that weighs me down everyday.
I loved every song, and when the band played my song, I was at peace. Finally, and it was not a dumb pill that gave it to me.

I was so happy and young as I drove home from Portland, it seemed like I got home in the blink of an eye. I wanted to share this someone, I wanted to connect. I went upstairs and tried to make a connection with Jason. But, he was none to happy about my speedy unplanned exit early this evening and he was not any better when I got home. No connection with me he wanted to share at all, but I guess not everyone wants to be woken up at 1:30 in the morning. This makes me sad, like I stepped back into my house and reality slapped me back into the real world, my night was over. That freedom I felt from depression for that short time, was taken away. Was it taken? Or did I let it go - that I don't know. But what I do know is that it was gone for awhile and I sparked back to life so its in me somewhere, my trick will be to find what keeps it firing.....